Once upon a time there lived a woman no taller than a short thing, who had a talent for capturing the likeness of that rare creature; the Urban Elf. She doodled day and night using nothing but her trusty pens, pencils and sheets of Izal toilet paper. For no apparent reason she decided to cast her little elves to the mercy of the Blogging Folk. They were so kind and said such nice things and the woman was full of glee.
Then one day the woman created Lady Elf. She showed the good Blogging Folk the step by step journey of Lady Elf’s birth and offered the creature for adoption. Many of the Blogging Folk offered homes but only one possessed a weeping willow, the perfect habitat for an elf of such breeding.
The new home was to be in the Shire of Cambridge many miles to the south of the woman’s Northern home. How was the elf to travel? The Queens Own Royal Mail was not known for its delicate touch and elves bruise easily. After much deliberation the woman found the perfect mode of travel, a special brown paper casing with strengthened sides and the words “Please Do Not Bend” emblazoned in red. It was also in other languages, just in case. The woman tucked Lady Elf safely inside her brown paper travelling jacket and popped her into a bag. She took lady elf to work with her with the intention of visiting The Queen’s Own Posting Office afterwards. But also in the bag was the woman’s lunch which included a juicy ripe peach.
Lady Elf dozed peacefully in her paper wrapper until she noticed a sweet aroma accompanied by a damp feeling around her edges. She wriggled and writhed and crumpled up her delicate borders. Lady Elf flipped and flapped until she toppled the bag, within which she was contained, over onto the woman’s feet. As the woman bent to retrieve her fallen carrier she could smell the sweet odour of peach. Oh no! The softened fruit had burst open. Lady Elf’s special “Do not bend” casing was darkened with juice and peach flesh. The woman opened the envelope to rescue Lady Elf, who, due to her clever evasive actions remained unharmed.
Who knew that Skinny Dogs love the taste of peach juice? The woman didn’t. But in the morning she found Lady Elf’s special “Please Do Not Bend” case in the Skinny Dog’s basket. And it was bent. In fact it was in several pieces and Skinny Dog was nowhere to be seen.
Well, the woman fashioned an elf carrier out of sturdy card, bus tickets and Izal paper and writ strict instructions to the good Queen’s Own Postie not to bend said carrier. And Elf lady set off on her journey south.
Has Lady Elf made it safely to the Shire of Cambridge? Only time will tell.